Be careful what you ask for

Bad habits are hard to break. I’m in a relationship that is possibly the most challenging relationship I’ve ever had in my life.  When I reconstructed my “Perfect Man for Me” list, I changed a few things around and was highly pleased with my new list. I felt strongly that the next time I linked with someone romantically I would have a different, better experience. Well, I have definitely had a different experience, whether or not it’s better is relative. What I can say with complete and utter honesty is that it has been the most challenging relationship experience I’ve had thus far.

Fight Fair in Love

Euphoria. That’s what it is.  That feeling you get when you realize that…wow…I’m home.  And that feeling of euphoria has you soaring. You feel energized, safe, beautiful…and you’re full.  Full of hope. Full of life.  Full of love. Filled with love.  And nothing, absolutely nothing, could change that feeling.  So you drop your defenses and let go because it feels right and it feels good.  But most of all, it feels different this time.  There’s no fear.  Wait.  There are no lies. Wait… There’s transparency. No…wait… Until…POOF!  In the blink of an eye, it’s gone.  And you’re left wondering…well…I thought…but he said….  What… just happened?

Finding my words…my voice

I have no idea why or exactly when it happened, but one day I sat at my computer to type a new blog post and nothing came out. I brainstormed, doodled, and looked through my list of possible topics all to no avail.  Nothing came.  There was no sign of an impending epiphany nor was there a recollection of thoughts that I needed desperately to express.  I had simply lost my words.  Part of my dilemma involved the theme of this blog. I discovered that I had more to say about other issues besides love.  Unfortunately for me and perhaps my ego, I didn’t feel comfortable stepping beyond the love theme and into new territory.  I actually felt guilty about wanting to explore other topics and ideas. And then there was the issue of exactly what would be the purpose of the blog if it wasn’t about love.  So… I became stuck, not knowing how to proceed where I was and too confused and afraid to move beyond the familiar.

Esther’s Girls

Queen Esther, from the Bible, was one of the baddest women in the Bible as far as I’m concerned. According to the story, she was very beautiful, but that’s now what makes her the bomb in my eyes. It was her inner beauty. The inner magic of her heart.  She must have been one fierce lady because not only did she gain favor with the attendant of the maidens, but she eventually captured the heart of the king. So much so, in fact, he was prepared to grant her every wish. No matter your religious beliefs, there is a lesson in this story for all women. We can all learn a thing or two from Queen Esther.

Are You Truly Ready for Love?

I am ready for love…all the joy and the pain. I’ve found that people talk a real good game. And I, never one to shut my ears to a good story,  love listening to their stories about how good they love and how ready they are to be loved and loving. Their words mesmerize me and I find myself silently, internally recording each and every one. So when I see behaviors that don’t correlate with the words I recorded I like to call attention to this contradiction. Not to prove anyone wrong, but to clarify what the wants and desires ACTUALLY are…not just what they think sounds good.

“I’m just sayin…you can do better.”

I love to people watch. There’s so much you can learn from people just by watching, paying attention to their gestures, facial expressions, tone, interactions with others…. I notice the guy who waits to hold the door open for the women behind him. And how his jaw tenses when they don’t acknowledge his subtle, yet polite, gesture.  I take note of the lady sitting in the car next to me having a heated discussion with either her man or her kids. And my heart goes out to her because I see the look of pain and frustration on her face. I can’t help but wonder if the person on the opposite end could see her face perhaps that would put an end to the argument. However, I’ve realized that, sometimes, even when people know they’re hurting another person they simply don’t/can’t/won’t change their behavior.

Some people don’t deserve love…

Actually, the entire quote was “Some people are trash and don’t deserve love.”  I couldn’t believe it. I sat looking at my computer screen in a state of utter amazement that someone actually formed the thought and preceded to share it with others.  And to make matters worse, there were some who actually co-signed this toxic thought by hitting the “Like” button. Really?! Is this really what some people choose to believe? But the more important question is WHY do some people choose to believe this? What wounds need to be healed for that person? Goodness! What happened in the first place?

Soulmates and Fairytales: What’s the difference?

Once upon a time, in a land far and away, there was a beautiful maiden living alone in a big, traditional all-brick home in Buckhead. She had all that a maiden could ever ask for- a great job, great family, great friends, and a closet full of shoes. But alas, there was something missing. Fruit didn’t taste as sweet as she thought it should. The sky was not as blue as others kept telling her it was.  Music didn’t move her the way it seemed to move others around her. *sigh* One day at a party, she took a long look around the room of her friends’  nicely decorated home. As she observed the many couple interacting with each other, playfully touching the arms or faces of their spouses, interlocked fingers and loving glances; she realized y she didn’t taste the subtle hint of chocolate in her red wine.  She was missing her soulmate.

Are you really available for Love? -Part 2 of the Ambivalent Love Series

Sometimes, I’m so caught up in my own feelings and emotions that I just can’t transfer my thoughts to paper, at least not coherently.  But I’ve always been able to find someone who’s already said most of what I wanted to say anyway.  This week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions for me.  However, throughout it all, at the end…I’ve gotten my lessons. And while they’ve been kinda  painful at times, I am so grateful for getting them.  Here’s to growth, evolution and Love.  Enjoy the article “Are You Emotionally Available?”  Smooches!

Part 1 of the Ambivalent Love Series

“Ambivalent about Love?” REPOST from MMA by Shirley Vollett

Do you long for love, yet fail to take decisive steps to make it happen? Do you procrastinate on taking action to meet people and date?

Ambivalence may be the cause of your stop-and-start approach to finding love. Hidden, unconscious ambivalence may be sabotaging you and side-lining your determination to have a loving relationship.

 In my work with singles, I have noticed that some individuals cycle in and out of ambivalence. One month they are determined to date and push past their fears or reservations. The next month they are questioning if they even want a relationship, and their dating plans have stalled.