Yeah, I’ve asked the question. It seems that more and more I’m meeting women who seem to find it hard to love black men. They’ve given up on them, using lack of “good men” as the excuse. They think that they will find the close, spiritual, deep connection that they so long for with a man from another race. Well,…perhaps, but ultimately, I think not. And not because it can’t be found with someone from another race, but because the issue is never the other person.
If you’ve ever stated that someone is hard to love, then my question to you would be “Why do you think it’s hard for YOU to love that person?” Typically, we find certain relationships challenging because there is a quality inherent in our own personalities that has not been fully developed or exercised and it requires growth. Instead of viewing the challenging experience as a growth opportunity, we high-tail it out of the relationship. Hell, I know I did. Even now, I have to force myself to stay and find a new way of dealing with challenging situations where our men are concerned.
Black men are as easy to love as black women are. How about that? And we all know what some have said about loving black women. Regardless, none of that has to be our truth. When we make the decision to see the beauty in other people, ALL people, then we better understand them and except them. When we operate from a loving foundation then we realize that loving others is actually very easy to do. When we choose to change the lens from which we view others, to a loving lens, we no longer focus on lack or faults. We focus on the abundance of good qualities that a person has to offer. And when they know and understand that within us they can rest, that we really and truly have their back, that we aren’t waiting for them to mess up or not come through, that we accept them completely, fully just the way they are, then and only then will we realize that they were never the problem at all.
Love is easy. It’s people that make being in love hard. We come with preconceived notions of what love is supposed to look like, feel like, be like and when it doesn’t fit the notion (which is typically jacked up to begin with) then we blame it on Love. It becomes Love’s fault. No, Dearheart, Love has nothing to do with the insanity in our heads. No matter who you decide to love, if you are operating from ego instead of love, then you will find it hard to love that person. Let go of ego and allow your heart to guide you on Love’s journey. There are so many good, wonderful, beautiful men out here to love. They’re just waiting on you.