In light of so many very public splits and divorces, I started musing about how those people at one point in their relationships exclaimed deep, abiding love for one another. Some of them even took vows in front of family and friends promising only in death would they part. So…what happened? Ok…I get that people cheat or lie or whatever, but did the vows not mean anything at all? What happens to the “love” one professes to have for another? Where does it go? I had one ex that cheated on me and I still loved him. Of course, we weren’t married but my feelings didn’t change for him immediately upon learning of his hurtful action. I was angry, hurt, and confused, but… I still loved him. But if you ask me if I love him now, the answer would be no and even I’m baffled by that realization. Where did the love go? And if love dissipates so easily, did you ever really love the person to begin with?
So what is it we’re glib about exactly? Is it love or is it marriage? Perhaps both? Are we THAT confused about how this love thing is supposed to work? I mean seriously…most of us know better. We know that love is supposed to be unconditional, yet we place insane conditions on loving another person. We know that love has no boundaries, yet we draw lines where none are supposed to exist. We know that love is supposed to be given without expectation of reciprocity, yet we withhold our love the moment we think it is not being returned. So what is our problem? Are we too lazy to put forth the effort needed to make these relationships work? Do we feel that people/relationships are disposable and therefore, don’t place much value on them? I don’t have the answers, but I know I want to change how I love in my relationships.
I can’t speak for everyone. I can only speak for myself and I know up until this point I haven’t loved the way I want to– completely, totally, and without inhibition. Can you imagine this kind of loving?!! Makes me tingle just thinking about it. And I would venture to say that a large part of the reason that I haven’t loved someone this way, is because I haven’t loved myself this way–until now that is. So I’m starting there. I’m gonna love myself without reservation. I’m not waiting one moment longer to be completely, totally, head-over-heels in love with me. I’m not waiting for the perfect size, the perfect length of my hair, the perfect job, man, house, car, or bank balance. Right here. Right now. I’m in love. And the love…it will be right here in me, all the time.