Authenticity / Detaching / Dreams / Ego / Energy / Love / Men / Relationships / Surrender

Detaching

My furniture was just recently delivered to me from Atlanta.  Yes, it took two months to receive my furniture.  So in the meantime, we’ve been doing without – just focusing on the bare essentials. At first, it was urgent to get my furniture.  I mean, how on earth would I ever survive without my wine rack, dining room table, and wall hangings?  But as time went on and issue after issue arose, miraculously, I did just that. I survived without it. And eventually, these things, this stuff, became less and less important. I began to enjoy my somewhat empty space and the detachment that resulted was liberating.So I vowed that as soon as I received the “stuff” I would pare it down to just the essentials.  What I didn’t anticipate was the overwhelming sensation to want to keep all of it, every single book, picture frame, towel, comforter, piece of furniture and clothing. Having it in my space made it more difficult to detach from it. I had to coax myself into giving it away. And then finally, as gently as possible, I told myself, “Enough. It’s time to let go.”  And only then did I realize that the difficulty in detaching from my “stuff” has spilled over to other areas of my life.  Emotions, past experiences, people, expectations which no longer served me were taking up residence without my permission and it was time for them to go. And I had to let them go with love. Not because I was resentful or angry or bitter, but simply because I love the me that is trying to break through all this “stuff”.  And she deserves a fighting chance.

My ideal self asked me to purge the stuff, to give it or throw it away.  And I did.  I packed up boxes and trash bags filled with memories, some good some bad. I began to whittle away at the mounds of stuff that cluttered my actual space and my heart space. Refusing to be a metaphorical bag lady, I took a couple of days off from work to clear, purge, and cleanse.  I even got to the point where I didn’t need to go through every box. I just left it packed against the “donating” wall.  It no longer mattered what the contents were. I looked around my space and realized I had everything I needed so whatever was stored away in that box wasn’t a necessity.

Happily, I purged.  Creating a flow of energy that invigorated and replenished me.   That is…until it came time to get rid of my books.  Now, keeping in mind that I have three degrees, I’m an English teacher, and I LOVE to read, can you imagine how many books I have?!  Oh and each one has a story to tell.  Most people can relate to a certain period in their lives when they hear a certain song.  Well, I relate to a specific period by the book I was reading at the time.  Each of my books has affected me in some capacity – large or small.  And I love them…. But what I had to remind myself -in the midst of my detaching–is when you truly love something, really, truly, you let it go.  The same goes for people.  I received a text from my ex recently.  And I decided not to respond.  I didn’t understand why initially.  I just knew it was something I needed to do and that it was for my own good. Have you ever made a decision and you didn’t quite understand why you were making it?  Well, right now, in this very moment I get it.  Sometimes the universe, the creator, does, on our behalf, what we cannot. It’s been time for me to say goodbye to him.

I’m breathing easier now.  A little less baggage and lots more room to grow, expand, evolve.  And I’m making the conscious decision to allow my ideal self to do her thang with a certain amount of detachment and whole lot of love.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s