I have a friend, sweet as she can be, who is completely, totally, hopelessly hung up on her ex. And no matter how many times she swears she’s moving on, she’s closing the door, she’s getting “over” him, all it takes is one phone call from him and she’s right back where she started- wondering why he can’t love her the way she needs him to; why she can’t seem to get over him; and why, dear God, is it so hard for her to move on? Well, since I’m older and wiser, I’ve given her the advice that I wish someone would’ve given me so many years ago. Advice that would’ve saved me countless hours of crying and listening to sad, forlorn love songs guaranteed to make even Homie the Clown a pitiful mass of sobbing mess. I simply told her- “STOP ANSWERING THE DAMN PHONE!”
Seems simple doesn’t it? However, for some reason, despite my sage advice, she still answers the phone. And wouldn’t you know she’s bringing in the new year sad, anxious and unable to sleep instead of excitedly anticipating the new love interests that are certainly on the horizon. And I’m left wondering…why on Earth do some of us choose to be unhappy? I mean ultimately it is just that- a choice. Noone forces us to stay in situations that are obviously not making us happy and, quite frankly, can be downright unhealthy. This emotional tug of war that we allow people to play with our heart is dangerous to our health, but we consistently go back for more. More pain. More tears. More bullshit. It’s hard to observe, but I’m sure it’s even harder to participate in- I suppose…. I’m beginning to wonder if some folks just aren’t more comfortable engaged in that emotional tug of war. I wonder if they view it as an honorable act of martyrdom? Because, honestly, is there anything positive to gain from continuing to engage is such an emotional battle?
I’ll gladly answer that- No. Every encounter, experience, and conversation we have is our opportunity to demonstrate how we should be treated by another individual. When we make the decision to be willing participants in emotional abuse, we’re telling the other person that we don’t deserve anything better. And guess what? They behave accordingly. They see our tears and hear our words, but know when all is said and done, we are not going anywhere and won’t do anything about their ill-treatment. And my only question – Is this love? Is this the best demonstration of self-love we can manage? I wish I could implore my friend to love herself enough to not pick up that phone. I wish I could make her see how she’s selling herself short by settling for, waiting on a man who is not capable of loving her the way she deserves. I wish she would let go long enough to see what beautiful blessings are waiting for her on the other side of her pain and confusion. But it’s not my job to make her see any of that.
I hope she’ll realize her self-worth soon. And that’s the lesson for all of us. We must love ourselves enough to let go of unloving situations. Only when we have let go of those situations can we welcome the unconditional, divine, sacred love that awaits us. *sigh* And oh how sweet it is. 🙂 Smooches!