Mr. Perfect wakes up one bright, sun-filled day and decides he’s ready to get married. Since he’s not currently in a committed relationship he decides he’ll start looking a little more closely at the few women he’s been dating on and off for the past few months. Mr. Perfect, considered the perfect catch by many women, thinks long and hard about the kind of woman who would be his wife. He goes over the many qualities she MUST possess. He thinks about the deal breakers and the negotiables, you know…the qualities that he could somewhat overlook. You see, he decides that his wife will have to be extraordinary, just as he is. And, Ladies, he is extraordinary. He’s a well-educated entrepreneur with several business ventures and bank accounts to match. He is good looking, well-traveled, well-spoken and even dabbles in the arts. He has no children, never been married, no diseases and he loves his momma. Perfect right? Needless to say, he doesn’t want for admirers. His dating life is as varied as his business ventures…well, almost. It seems that most of his dates look exactly the same, but Mr. Perfect doesn’t consider this a folly. In fact, he thinks these are the women who are more aligned with his standards for a wife. Because after all, Mr. Perfect has to have the perfect wife. His list is not long. He just simply wants someone who is absolutely, drop dead gorgeous, hour glass figure, long hair, skin with no imperfections and willing to birth six babies (four boys and two girls) and there can be no nanny. She must be willing to submit totally in the relationship but she must also have her own money which means she cannot have the desire to be a stay at home mom so that she can take care of their six babies. She will have to be generous and open-minded. The last thing he needs is someone who will be stingy with her money and won’t want to ever travel with all of the kids. And of course, even on vacations, no nanny. She must be well-read, preferably three degrees, but not a lawyer or doctor because they work far too much and she must put him and the kids first always. She has to be neat, want to make love daily and perform good, no, GREAT fellatio. She has to speak several languages, one of which must be Arabic. And finally, she has to be in perfect health, come from a good background and family, and have no blemishes from her past. No, Mr. Perfect’s list isn’t long at all. He was totally confident she existed.
He decided to start with Miss Model. He needed to really pay close attention to her tonight so he planned a romantic dinner on the balcony of his New York City high-rise apartment. Note to self: She must also know how to cook. He admired her figure as she stood studying his artwork while sipping on a bold Cabernet Sauvignon he served. She felt his gaze and turned coyly to offer him a sensual smile. He returned the smile. She then walked over to where he stood, set her glass on a small side table, and proceeded to reach for his hand. He looked deep into her eyes and asked…”don’t you think you should put a coaster under your glass.” She apologetically corrected her mistake, but the mood had changed. Mr. Perfect served dinner hurriedly, pretended to be interested in her next Parisian runway show, and told her he had to call it a night due to an early start the next morning. Deciding she was probably not a neat person, he was able to cross her off of his list pretty early in the evening. There was no need to waste any time on women who did not match his list perfectly.
The next night he decided to focus his attention on Miss Writer. He had gone to her home a few times before and it was meticulous so he knew she was neat. She had previously cooked him a delicious meal so there were no worries there and she made him laugh. She was warm, down to earth, well-educated and very affectionate. In that moment, Mr. Perfect realized that he needed to add a sense of humor and affectionate to his list. When Miss Writer opened the door to her brownstone, the smell of something divine met him instantaneously. Wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and gorgeous smile, he realized she was beautiful in absolutely anything she wore. He gave her a warm embrace along with a bouquet of gerbera daisies, her favorite flower. He stepped back and watched as she gushed over their beauty and delicate scent. He smiled. Something about her…brought him a sense of peace and ease. As usual, they enjoyed a great meal and wonderful conversation amid alot of touching, caressing, and kissing. Miss Writer began to tell him about the wonderful European vacation she was planning for her daughter. Mr. Perfect was confused. He told her he didn’t know she had a daughter. She said then he wasn’t paying attention and told him to look around. As Mr. Perfect studied her home, for the first time, he noticed a beautiful, little girl of about eight in various poses and settings on each wall in the room. His heart dropped–a deal breaker. He couldn’t be with a woman with kids. He told Miss Writer her daughter was beautiful and looked at his watch. Miss Writer asked if he needed to be somewhere else. He took one last look at her and said he had an early start the next day. She smiled knowingly, brought him the to-go plate she’d made for him, kissed him on the cheek at the door and told him to take care.
Mr. Perfect’s head was now reeling. This finding a wife business was going to be more difficult than he thought. He entertained just continuing with the casual dating, but he was ready for much more now. Dating casually was no longer satisfying. He had never really expected Miss Model to be a match, but Miss Writer? That one hurt a little bit. So Mr. Perfect continued with his various interviews and auditions of potential wives. Never really finding one that fit his list perfectly. They were always missing something off the list and with each experience Mr. Perfect found it necessary to keep adding to the list. He was absolutely perplexed by his challenges with finding his perfect mate. Everything else in his life was perfect. He thought for a second about all of his dates, none of them had even come close…but one. But hell, she had a kid and now that he thought about it, she didn’t speak any other languages. He just needed to forget about her. Which turned out not to be so difficult after all because he then met her….
Miss Perfect was everything on his list and more. She had a PhD in mechanical engineering. She was born and raised in Egypt so she spoke Arabic, along with five other languages, fluently. She had the perfect body, the perfect hair, perfect background, perfect family and upbringing. She had visited more countries than him and she even played the cello. She was a triathlete and even finished the Iron Man, not once, but five times. And as the relationship progressed, he also learned that she gave perfect fellatio with the perfect lips on his perfect bed. It didn’t take long for him to fall deeply in love because, after all, she had everything on his list. One day, about six months later, he decided it was time to propose marriage. He wanted her to know he was serious and he also wanted to do things perfectly with her. They’d have a long engagement and plenty of time to plan the perfect wedding and decide where they would raise their perfect family. Early one Saturday morning, he awoke before Miss Perfect so he could sneak out and go ring shopping. Of course, he found the perfect ring. Excited he rushed back to his place and noticed that Miss Perfect’s car wasn’t parked in her spot. She must have gone to the salon he thought. He ran upstairs to get ready for his perfect proposal and saw she’d left a note on his pillow. How sweet he thought.
Dear Mr. Perfect,
I just can’t do this anymore. I love you, really I do, but I find myself wishing you were slightly taller. And perhaps twenty pounds heavier. I also wish you could afford to take me on more than just six vacations a year. And speaking of six, I actually want eight kids not six. Too bad you’re not willing to compromise on this. I’m also disappointed over your inability to learn Arabic. It’s quite a simple language to learn. I just don’t understand why you’re having such difficulty. You seem to be so intelligent, but that leads me to wonder if perhaps our kids would have some kind of learning disabilities. I will miss your family. They’re so loud and funny. Your mother is a sweetheart, a little pushy, but she’s sweet. Please send her my love and tell her I wish her the best. Also, Mr. Perfect, you left the toilet seat up twice when you stayed over my place and I just can’t get past that. While that is such a disgusting habit, I’ve tried hard to overlook it because you have so many very good qualities. In the end, combined with all the other stuff, I just don’t feel that you match my list. Nonetheless, you will always have a very special place in my heart.