I attended a relationship seminar a while back and a discussion came up regarding the “correct” way to ask a woman out on a date. There were so many women who adamantly protested going to a man’s house for dinner. They were convinced that if a man invites you to his home for dinner then that signaled his desire for one thing only – sex. As far as they were concerned, it didn’t matter if it was the first or third date. A man should not ask a woman to his home if he didn’t want her to get the impression that he wanted sex. Am I the only person who sees anything wrong with this way of thinking?
I’ll be the first to admit, we can sometimes be extraordinarily hard on men. We have these romanticized ideals about dating, relationships, and love. We’re looking for a Prince Charming with the looks of Boris Kodjoe, the power and influence of President Obama and “gifts” like an African Mandingo. Ha! I think it’s fair to say that many of us are walking around draped in fantasies of delusional grandeur. Come on Y’all. At what point are we going to finally let this sink in- THERE. IS. NO. PERFECT. WAY. TO. LOVE. And I’m using “way” as a noun, as well as, a verb.
All of these boundaries that we keep placing on people and, ultimately, on ourselves, are creating more roadblocks in our loveships. We complain when he doesn’t ask us out. We complain when he doesn’t invite us to his home because then we assume he has something to hide. We complain when he doesn’t do something “romantic” or when he takes us some place where we can’t talk. I don’t know about y’all, but I’ve heard enough complaints about men. And if all we’re doing is complaining, why on Earth would they want to be with us?
There’s nothing wrong with a man asking you to his home for dinner. However, there is something wrong if the first thing YOU think is that all he wants is sex. It says far more about you than it does him. What’s in your head? What do you think about yourself that this is the conclusion you’ve formed? What do you believe about men that this is your first thought? Whatever it is, you’re putting it out there for all the world to see. It has nothing to do with the man. He may or may not want to have sex with you. Not only is that not a bad thing, but YOU have control over whether or not that happens. To decline an opportunity to engage in conversation with a man, have dinner with a man, and to practice, learn and grow with a man is sending a mixed signal to the universe. What do you really want? Do you want a relationship or not? Do you want to date or not? Do you want to learn more about how you relate to men and how they perceive you? We have to stop this complaining and start being grateful when growth opportunities show up in our lives. And we can all stand to practice being more loving.Men are not born with an internal dating guide. They are humans which means they are still learning and growing, as are we. They may fumble the ball on the first catch. Cut them some slack. We are all doing the best we can in this earthly experience. Therefore, instead of judging and complaining, focus on radiating vibrations of love, understanding, and acceptance to with whom you come in contact. “When you change the way you see things, the things you see change.” Change your lens Ladies. The only thing stopping many of us single goddesses from embarking on the journey of love with our soulmate is …SELF! Get out of your way already! Learn and grow so that you can move on. Smooches!