Sometimes, we get exactly everything we’ve asked for and most of the times a lot of what we didn’t. After reading The Soulmate Secret I made a list of all the traits I would like for my partner to possess. And even I will admit, the list was/is pretty lengthy. There weren’t many guidelines and no parameters really…save one. It was suggested that you refrain from listing any superficial traits. This part was easy for me. I didn’t care what he looked like, for the most part, I just wanted him to be attractive and tall. Well, it’s funny…. I recently met my list in it’s human manifestation. This person seriously has every single quality on my list. And I am gone. The only problem is…he doesn’t feel the same way. *giggle* It probably would have helped if I had added *Will love me as much as I love him* to the list.Yeah, minor oversight.
However, instead of being sad or forlorn about it…well, ok…anymore. I’ve decided that I’m standing in love. I’m going to honor my feelings because why the hell wouldn’t I? Yes, it’s scary being out there on the ledge alone. I’m vulernable, naked, exposed. I’ve jumped off a cliff alone and with no parachute and things don’t look good for me on the landing. It’s scary realizing that some how you managed to let down enough walls and shields to feel something you haven’t felt in years, quicker than you ever anticipated and for someone who was not on your radar. Yes, it’s damn scary. But the alternative is to operate from fear and when that’s done it’s no longer about what’s going on in your heart and more about what’s going on in your head. And my head has gotten me into enough trouble and sticky situations to last me a lifetime. No, I’m standing in love. Chin deep in the thickness of an uncertain, illogical feeling that has me perplexed beyond all rational explanations, yet wrapped up in the knowing that I actually did it. I allowed myself to let go and feel it and be comfortable with it even though it still doesn’t make much sense. For once, I didn’t analyze it, make a pros and cons list, run away cowardly, brush it off, no, none of those things. I recognized it and welcomed it into my space like a childhood friend who had been away for some time and was sorely missed. I gave it a hug and allowed myself to be touched and caressed and kissed, ever so gently, by Love. At the end of the day, if I can’t honor the love that I feel for another individual then how can I expect my person to honor me in love?
I’m not bitter or sad or resentful. I am grateful that I’ve gotten this lesson. I choose to stand in love always. No matter what the other party does or says or feels (or does not feel). Because ultimately, love is about giving without expectations. Love is about releasing ego and allowing your heart to make decisions. I’m loving without inhibition and I’m holding nothing back. Been there, done that and that doesn’t work for me.
Needless to say, I’ve updated my list. And it feels so good knowing that the next time not only will I recognize and be ready for him, but he will also be ready for me. *sigh* Smooches!