Finding my words…my voice

I have no idea why or exactly when it happened, but one day I sat at my computer to type a new blog post and nothing came out. I brainstormed, doodled, and looked through my list of possible topics all to no avail.  Nothing came.  There was no sign of an impending epiphany nor was there a recollection of thoughts that I needed desperately to express.  I had simply lost my words.  Part of my dilemma involved the theme of this blog. I discovered that I had more to say about other issues besides love.  Unfortunately for me and perhaps my ego, I didn’t feel comfortable stepping beyond the love theme and into new territory.  I actually felt guilty about wanting to explore other topics and ideas. And then there was the issue of exactly what would be the purpose of the blog if it wasn’t about love.  So… I became stuck, not knowing how to proceed where I was and too confused and afraid to move beyond the familiar.

Finally, I realized that the only box I was in was the one I created for myself.  This imaginary box was wreaking havoc on my creative spirit and, quite frantically, it began to tick me off.  So I’ve decided, whatever comes out once I sit at the computer is what comes out.  I’m stepping outside of the confining box and into a sea of creative wonderment.  The problem I faced was instead of allowing spirit to drive my creative expression, I was attempting to use solely my intellect.  What a huge folly on my part, but easy enough to correct.  After much meditation and a slow reentry back into the world of words, I decided wherever spirit guides me is what I shall explore.  No more time consuming and senseless second guessing.

And so I realized that this is a common predicament for many people. Not just in terms of writing but in relationships, careers, health etc.  We often find ourselves stagnate, afraid to move in one direction or another because we’ve become complacent, comfortable.  And so instead of moving, embracing change and stepping past the fear, we shut down and become unproductive.  We cease to grow and thrive and even when we so desperately want to move, we simply can’t find the strength (or the words) to do so.  However, we know we can’t continue to ignore the embers of goals and desires.  And pretty soon they become uncontrollable, red hot burning fires that cannot be contained.  They become bigger than our fears.  Bigger than our confusion.  Bigger than our complacency.  And we can no longer ignore what we were meant to do…destined to become.

And so, I’ve found my words again.  I’ve found my voice.  And although it’s a bit shaky and weak and in dire need of plenty of exercise, it is here.


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