Ego / Fear / Friends / heart / Love / Men / Relationships / Submission

Fight Fair in Love

Euphoria. That’s what it is.  That feeling you get when you realize that…wow…I’m home.  And that feeling of euphoria has you soaring. You feel energized, safe, beautiful…and you’re full.  Full of hope. Full of life.  Full of love. Filled with love.  And nothing, absolutely nothing, could change that feeling.  So you drop your defenses and let go because it feels right and it feels good.  But most of all, it feels different this time.  There’s no fear.  Wait.  There are no lies. Wait… There’s transparency. No…wait… Until…POOF!  In the blink of an eye, it’s gone.  And you’re left wondering…well…I thought…but he said….  What… just happened?

Yeah…euphoria is nice when you’re loving and agreeing.  But you’re debating and disagreeing, euphoria takes a back seat to ego.  Words are said that shouldn’t be.  Confidences are broken.  Secrets are hurled in faces and they slam against your cheeks like cement bricks.  Mmm…the pain.  Not Him…  And despite your best efforts to remain calm, you feel the volcano bubbling.  You feel the red, hot, steaming lava churning and slowly making it’s way up from the fiery pit in your belly.  Not Him… And before you know it, you’ve become a willing participant in unloving foolishness.  And you want to walk away but…Did he just say?  And you know you both are better than this low-vibrational display of negativity but…Oh really?! So that’s how you really feel? And you know with every unloving word that you spew, your Euphoria is getting more distant and more unreachable, but…He just said he doesn’t give a damn about me!  And that may not have been what he said, but that’s what you heard.

How do we go from Euphoria to verbal stompings in mere nanoseconds?  What is it about our egos that won’t allow us to just simply pause long enough to listen? Why can’t we take a break to consider if our words really, truly honor the person and the relationship?  Or…do we not care to honor them to begin with?  I often wonder how many relationships could be saved if folks just took a second to check in with their feelings and ask themselves, is this real?  Why do we allow such hurtful words to pass our lips and into the ears of people we claim to love and care for?  Or…are those just words?  So one has to wonder.  What part is real?  Which words do I believe?  If a person says that they care about you and they can’t imagine life without you, but then says “Delete me!”, because you had a disagreement, you think to yourself “Wow… that was easy for you.”

I’ve come to the conclusion that we are really confused about love.  I believe it even more now.  We’re walking around here falling, jumping, diving into love and we don’t even know how to swim.  We’re ill-equipped to stay above water.  And many of us can’t even float!  But instead of taking lessons, we decide we’re just not going to get in the water ever again.  Because although it was refreshing and exuberant and it felt oh so good, we’d just rather not have the experience because it was a little scary, we got hurt a bit and well…it didn’t always feel so good.  Ha!  It never even occurs to us to just go take some damn lessons!  What is wrong with us?!  How do we not properly prepare for the thing most of us say we want most?  Look around, we don’t know how to love one another.  One argument ends a potentially beautiful relationship.  We refuse to listen to each other.  Hell, we can’t even call each other out on our stuff without jeopardizing the relationship.  And that’s what we’re in each other lives to do!!!!  I don’t have all the answers, but I will share what I do know about love and relating.

1. FIGHT FAIR!  Always. This is non-negotiable.  Don’t bring up old issues.  Don’t hit below the belt.  Don’t use the relationship status as a defense (ex: You’re not my girlfriend!).

2. BE RESPECTFUL! Why do we have the tendency to take arguments to a place they don’t need to go.  There’s never any justifiable reason to disrespect someone you care about with harsh words.  Never. Unless…you don’t really care about them.

3. HONOR YOURSELF! We’re all working hard at becoming our ideal selves.  And we’ve done so much work already. Don’t negate all of your hard work by reverting, or resorting, to old behaviors.  We do this out of fear, because we haven’t yet mastered the new ways of relating.  The only way we master the new ways of relating is by practicing.  We must practice.  If you’re constantly being challenged and you consistently respond with your old ways of relating, you will continue to be challenged until you get it right.  (BOOM! This is a light bulb moment for me!)

I don’t profess to have all the answers.  And I will never claim to be perfect.  I am still working on me, but I am WORKING.  We must do the work. We have to do the work.  Love is far too important for us to continue giving it these shoddy ass trials.  Let’s get back to Love People!  Smooches!

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