We’ve seen the headlines “Black Men Don’t Get Married!”, “Why Black Men Choose White Women”, “Most Black Women Will Never Marry” and countless other titles of articles that perpetuate the belief that black men and women cannot, do not, will not choose each other as mates. There’s the constant media promotion that we cannot co-exist in a successful, loving relationship. Just look at many of the couples on prime time television shows. How many of them are comprised of a black man and a black woman? Better yet, a happily, married black man and woman?And, unfortunately, as a result, we’ve accepted these myths as truth. We focus on all the failed relationships of our family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, whoever we can find, to justify that we cannot create successful relationships of our own. We read the articles. We bash the opposite sex. We blame our former lovers, spouses, FWB’s and one nighters. We form pity parties and become victims of all that was ever done to us in the name of love or sex or love and sex Thereby, eventually, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy within our own lives to further justify the media’s propaganda. Until finally, our lives resemble those that the zealous journalist simply eager for a byline has so eloquently described in his article. We’re loverless. We’re loveless. And we’re alone.
However, at no time does it occur to us to simply take some time to take personal inventory into our thoughts and our habits that have created the current loveless state of affairs which we’ve deemed our love lives. Truth be told, I know more successfully AND happily married couples than I do divorced. It’s none of my business whether or not either of the spouses have had extra marital affairs. The point is to acknowledge that it can be accomplished. That a fulfulling marriage between a black man and a black woman can be attained is my primary focus because there are so many people who doubt it’s possible. Or at the very least they are implying that it is unattainable. And it’s not because their information is anymore factual than mine. I mean ultimately, at the end of the day, who is the expert on black marriages? Definitely, not anyone writing those headline seeking articles. Furthermore, in order to have hardcore irrefutable statistics, ALL black people would have to participate in the census and we know, historically, this does not happen. Therefore, why are we buying into what the media is feeding us?
I’m no conspiracy theorist by any means. However, I can apply critical analysis to any situation. And in this particular case, some things just aren’t adding up. Why such the overt attack on black relationships? I don’t profess to have the answer to that question but I know what we need to do as a community. Simply put- Prove them wrong. We are a loving people. We love hard. And even though we may not always get it right, we’re willing to go back for more. Black women are lovable and there are plenty of black men who are ready to love them.
In order for our love lives to improve we must change the way we view each other. We are not enemies. This is not a competition. We are not out to get each other nor do one another harm. We are inherently good and loving. When we choose to recognize the good in each other we will see a marked difference in our loveships. When our focus changes to the positive attributes that we have to offer we can begin to turn around the rate of success of our relationships with one another. And when this happens, others will be forced to write new headlines. And imagine what they’ll write about when we’re operating in love. Imagine.